Talking about CF
Today I went to a baby music class with Henry. Long story short I have been going through alot and this class is a real enjoyment for me, helps bonding time and Henry absolutely loves it and learns so much.
So recently he has been coughing, we've had hospital visits and lots of changes of antibiotics but slowly it has cleared to just a mucus noise when he breathes sometimes. I don't even notice it anymore but in class today it was glaringly obvious and very loud. All the mums started looking around and every time I looked up they were staring at me with concerned faces. One mum even moved her child away from Henry when he went to touch her. I totally get it. I too would think that this noise meant a child was ill and I wouldn't want my baby catching anything but it honestly made me feel so upset. I try so hard to make things fun when often everyday physio and antibiotics and coughing is just a reminder of how crap CF is and wondering what Henry's future will be like.
I know this is the first of many times I will feel like this and I will probably start having to tell other parents that it's nothing their child can catch but I just don't want to. I don't want to tell random people about it and I just don't want to talk about it as it's incredibly emotional to discuss, especially to strangers. In class i also felt strong and fiercely protective over Henry as I don't ever want him to feel the way I felt, but I'm sure a time will come when I can't be there to help explain things and he may feel this horrible feeling too when people just don't understand his illness.
After the class the teacher was amazing and so kind and I burst into tears talking to her as this class is meant to be an escape and not a reminder of CF.
Anyway just needed to get that off my chest. A new day tomorrow.
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