Mother's Day Reflections
Sunday was my second ever Mother's Day. I didn't sleep well the night before. It brings up memories of the past 2 years and it is upsetting to think about.
One year ago my first ever mother's day was a disaster. It ended up with me arguing with my husband, ripping every mother's day card I'd been sent in fury and frustration and just crying and crying from being so exhausted doing everything myself and never being given the opportunity to rest ever.
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| 40 weeks |
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| 3 months old |
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| 10 months old |
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| 22 months old |
I think what has been hardest is realising that what you expect from yourself becoming a mother rarely turns out to be the way you wanted it. Yes, there are lots of mothers who really do have wonderful home births and breastfeed, and travel with their children happily and feed them vegan meals and only wear organic cotton and amber beads for teething and use sustainable wooden spoons and natural rubber dummys..etc...etc...and you might really want to do all that but alot of the time it just doesn't work out that way.
I remember how awful my labour experience was, how overcrowded the hospital was, that the nurses were awful and rude and rough with me. No advice was given and no-where to go to get it.
This day also reminds me of how difficult I found it to bond with Henry. I didn't know it at the time but I was suffering from depression and I had been forgotten about by the health visitors who had passed me onto the CF hospital. I was constantly at the GP and Hospital for Henry, learning how to manage CF and doing all his daily treatments that I forgot to look at how I was actually feeling and my partner failed to recognise this and help me. I really didn't bond with Henry and feel like I loved him until just before he turned one! It was a long time to be feeling this way and made everything so tough and unenjoyable.
But this year Mother's Day has been great! I have seeked the help I need, my confidence has grown and I love Henry so much and feel we are a small and solid family unit just the two of us.
I do this blog so other people who are struggling can relate and also to remind myself of how things have changed. I want Henry to know as he grows up, how things were when he was born, and to realise with honesty what his mummy had to go through.
So Happy Mother's Day to all those out there, especially those who are having a hard time, or raising their children alone, or who have unsupportive partners, remember you are not alone and if you are feeling awful, there really is light at the end of the tunnel.
xx
I remember how awful my labour experience was, how overcrowded the hospital was, that the nurses were awful and rude and rough with me. No advice was given and no-where to go to get it.
This day also reminds me of how difficult I found it to bond with Henry. I didn't know it at the time but I was suffering from depression and I had been forgotten about by the health visitors who had passed me onto the CF hospital. I was constantly at the GP and Hospital for Henry, learning how to manage CF and doing all his daily treatments that I forgot to look at how I was actually feeling and my partner failed to recognise this and help me. I really didn't bond with Henry and feel like I loved him until just before he turned one! It was a long time to be feeling this way and made everything so tough and unenjoyable.
But this year Mother's Day has been great! I have seeked the help I need, my confidence has grown and I love Henry so much and feel we are a small and solid family unit just the two of us.
I do this blog so other people who are struggling can relate and also to remind myself of how things have changed. I want Henry to know as he grows up, how things were when he was born, and to realise with honesty what his mummy had to go through.
So Happy Mother's Day to all those out there, especially those who are having a hard time, or raising their children alone, or who have unsupportive partners, remember you are not alone and if you are feeling awful, there really is light at the end of the tunnel.
xx
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